Teens & Their Coats The Great Debate

Every winter since they could talk they have been giving us a hard time about wearing their coats; no to the coat and no to the zipper, no to the hat and no to the mittens, no to the cold and all of the sensory issues that came with it- Did I just write my first children’s book?

Now we are just hanging on by a thread, as we yell out “You Need A Coat!!” only to hear, “NO I DON’T!!!”

What is it about teens' iron-clad commitment to freezing in the name of freedom? Why do we become the coat police the second the temperature dips? Why are we so worried about them being cold when they could not care less?

Part of it feels primal—this deep parenting instinct that says, “Warn them about the elements or you’re failing at your job!” Our reminders come from that ancient part of our brain wired for survival. Dress for the weather. Layer up. Put a hat on. It’s almost reflexive, like blinking. Meanwhile, they roll their eyes, toss out an “I’m fine!” and head out in a hoodie that absolutely is not a coat. And the thing is… they usually are fine.

Because here’s the truth we forget:

We all survived this stage.

Not one of us—or our friends—perished from not wearing a jacket in November.

If anything, we were worse. I vividly remember being in my twenties, hopping in a cab to Faneuil Hall in a halter top and black pants, absolutely no coat in sight because… coat check was a rip-off and absolutely not worth the $3. Now, as a parent, I cringe when I see teenagers and twenty-somethings dressed like that in January, but I also recognize it:

It’s a rite of passage.

Teens are developmentally wired to assert independence, even in tiny ways. Clothing choices? That's a low-risk rebellion with high symbolic value.

“I decide my comfort.”

“I decide my body.”

“I decide my warmth.”

And nothing teaches better than natural consequences.

Be cold once? Fine.

Be cold twice? Maybe a sweatshirt.

Be cold three times? Suddenly they’re voluntarily putting on a coat and we don’t even have to say a word.

So maybe our obsession with coats isn’t really about the weather at all. Maybe it’s about these last bits of control we feel slipping away as they grow up. Their world is expanding, their autonomy is strengthening, and the coat lecture becomes a familiar—but outdated—parenting instinct we haven’t quite let go of.

But here’s the empowering part: We can let go of this one.

Let them be cold.

Let them figure it out.

Let them feel a little uncomfortable.

They’re not going to freeze. They’re not going to catch a cold from cold air. And you? You’re not failing because your teen refused your suggestion. You’re evolving right along with them.

And maybe, one day, they’ll be the parent yelling “Where’s your coat?!” at a teen who just shrugs and says, “I’m fine.”

And they will be.

Just like we were. 

Your Friend,

Caitlin

P.S. It is WILD that they want these super expensive North Face Jackets & Aritzia Puffers with basically zero intention of wearing them, aside from it being a fashion flex!  They grow so fast, so spending money on these coats seems silly, but a lot of us (me) cave in!  Here is a reminder for all of us to go through those coats that our kids have outgrown and get them out of our houses! Give them to your friends, neighbors, or co-workers with younger kids and save them some money, or better yet, donate your coats to families in need.  Most schools will do a coat drive, and some cleaners too!  Here is a link for Anton’s to see their locations and if there isn’t a coat drive near you… you and your teen could start one!  I can’t think of a better way to connect than giving back to your community!