The Summer of “Can I Have a Ride?”

Summer is in high gear and I hope everyone is finding time to relax or at least recharge. Summer is amazing and stressful all wrapped up in to a 2 month window that we yearn for all year, and when it finally arrives… we remember the added work it puts on us as parents.

I for one feel like an unpaid and underappreciated Uber driver, and just the other day I completely lost it on my family and 100% sounded like a lecture my own parents gave me about “BACK IN MY DAY!!” I know I am in good company, and I know I am not the only one!

We walked everywhere! We dove in to the couch cushions and winter jackets to find loose change or random dollars that we could apply to our funds for the day. Our kids are asking us to add more money to their Greenlight Cards, Venmo or Apple Pay, it’s hard not to lose it on them! So where do we go from here? It is the question I have been trying to find an answer to all week, and I have some solutions, but I don’t think it’s a one size fits all answer. I figured I would share with you all in hopes of creating some peace in your home.

First of all, I think that losing it is OK! I believe my direct quote to my daughter was “For someone who depends on me for daily rides and money, you would think you would be a lot nicer to me…”

Our kids need to know that we have a breaking point, and that we are human, sometimes they forget! Ideally, we would get ahead of it, and set our boundaries earlier in the summer, but it all happens so quick!

Second, apologize for losing it. You don’t have to lose it, but if you did, like me, start with the apology. Own it, remember you are modeling for them how you want them to react when they inevitably lose it.

Pro Tip: Just own your behavior, don’t blame your behavior on their behavior- we have control over our emotions, so when we lose it, that’s on us.

NEXT…Pre-Ask Talk

Ask for a time to talk, scheduling it allows both parties to be in the right mindset. It is never a good idea to have an important conversation when we are escalated, or if they are escalated.

Utilize the “Pre-Ask” talk with these conversation prompts:

“Hey, I need a reset, let me know when a good time to talk is?”

“Summer got underway without us really having a chance to make a plan, can we meet to make a plan for the rest of summer?”

“I love seeing how independent you are this summer, making your own plans and really taking care of yourself, I want to support your independence, can we talk about what that looks like?”

“Hey, I know summer means more plans and more freedom. Let’s come up with a weekly game plan—rides, spending, expectations—so we’re on the same page.”

You get the idea!

NEXT…Set Boundaries

Normalize “No, not today” without guilt, which is easier said than done! But also, we want them to be able to plan for their week, so if they spring something on us last minute and we say no, that teaches them that preparation, can actually help them get more of what they want.

It’s okay to say:

“That’s not in the plan today.”

“We’ve hit our spending limit for the week.”

“I can give you a ride if it fits into my schedule.”

You’re not being mean. You’re teaching boundaries and financial responsibility.

Be prepared to shift the question back to them- inevitably they will not take your “that’s not in the plan today,” with a smile and a shrug, so be ready to shift the question back to them.

“What’s your plan for getting there/home if I’m not available?”

“How are you planning to cover that cost?”

These promote independence and problem-solving—and take the load off you.

NEXT… Make a Weekly Ride & Spending Plan

Pick 2–3 ride days in advance, or specific events that you know you can drive or pick up, and commit to those. Let them know that anything else could be a yes or a no, and there is no guarantee.

Set a budget for the week, things you are willing to pay for vs. expenses you expect them to pay for.

Create a “Summer Extras” jar—they can earn money for completing certain tasks.

You don’t have to run a full chore chart, but giving teens a few options to earn money helps build work ethic and makes the extras feel more earned.

Some ideas:

• Babysit a younger sibling for an hour or two

• Prep and clean up dinner.

• Tackle a deep-clean task (like organizing a closet, garage, or fridge)

• Take over trash/recycling weekly.

• Take over their own laundry, or if they are already doing their own laundry, add in the towels to their tasks.

• Be the family dog walker or plant waterer

• Wash the car inside and out

• Mow the lawn, yardwork, power wash something!

• Let them propose a way to earn money, they may some things that need attention around the house that peeks their interest.

Let them know: “I’m happy to help you get what you need this summer—and part of that means learning how to earn it.”

If it feels like your summer has turned into an Uber service with no tips and a bank account that only withdraws—you needed this read!

Summer with teens means freedom for them and… a whole new level of requests for us.

Rides. Starbucks. Concert, Pool day, Target Run, and oh—“just in case a $20 .”

Every. Single. Day.

We love giving our kids opportunities—but we also need boundaries to avoid burnout (and overdraft). Afterall, it is our summer too.

With a few clear expectations and healthy conversations, we can keep our sanity—and maybe even our wallets—intact.