What to Expect, When Your Teen Starts Dating…
What to Expect… When Your Teen Starts Dating
Weren’t we just reading What to Expect When You’re Expecting? And now our teens are dating? Where’s the book on that? Well, I don’t have the copyright, but I am here to help you navigate the highs and lows of teen dating relationships.
There’s something both thrilling and terrifying about watching your teen fall into their first relationship. Suddenly, there’s someone new taking up all their time and attention — they’re glued to their phone, smiling at notifications, spending hours on FaceTime, and living for the next hangout.
As parents, it’s easy to panic or want to control it. But what’s happening in their brain is actually pretty fascinating — and completely normal.
The Teen Brain on Love
When teens start dating, their brains light up like fireworks. New love — or even new like — triggers a flood of dopamine, the brain’s “feel-good” chemical. This surge can make time with their partner feel euphoric and time apart feel flat or even miserable. Combine that with a still-developing prefrontal cortex (the part of the brain responsible for impulse control and perspective), and it’s no wonder a new relationship can feel all-consuming.
They’re not being dramatic — they’re experiencing a very real biochemical rush. Every Snapchat, text, or FaceTime call gives their brain a small dopamine hit, keeping them hooked on the connection. It’s new, exciting, and a little addictive — which is why they need adults to help them stay balanced.
Helping Your Teen Find Balance
New relationships can take over a teen’s world, but parents can help them find steadiness without minimizing their feelings.
Normalize the excitement. Acknowledge how new and fun this stage is. Let them share their stories without teasing or judgment.
Reinforce balance. Encourage them to stay connected with friends, family, and activities that make them feel like themselves.
Set phone boundaries. Talk openly about healthy screen habits. Saying, “I get that you want to talk, but you still need to sleep,” teaches balance — not control.
Model healthy relationships. They’re always watching how adults communicate, handle conflict, and set boundaries. You are their most consistent example.
Be willing to be vulnerable. Share stories from your own early dating experiences — the good and the bad — and what you wish you had known then that you want them to understand now.
Jealousy, Intensity, and Big Emotions
Jealousy, insecurity, and heartbreak are all part of the teen dating experience. These emotions are big and real for them — even if the relationship is short-lived. Instead of brushing those feelings off, help your teen name and process them.
Try asking:
“What made you feel that way?”
“What do you think their intent was?”
“Do you feel comfortable sharing how you feel? Do you want to run through some scenarios together?”
“What does a healthy relationship look like to you?”
“Do you feel like you can be yourself in this relationship?”
“Do you really like them, or did you just like that they liked you?”
These kinds of questions help teens build emotional awareness and confidence instead of shame or self-doubt.
Red Flags to Watch For
While most teen relationships are harmless learning experiences, 1 in 3 high school students report experiencing unhealthy relationship behaviors. Here’s what to look out for:
Wanting to spend every waking minute together
Pulling away from family or close friends
Constant checking in or needing to “prove” where they are
Quick declarations of love or extreme intensity early on
Noticeable changes in mood, sleep, or school focus tied to the relationship
Frame these as opportunities to slow down and reflect — not as reasons for punishment. Teens learn best when they feel supported, not judged.
A Teacher’s Perspective
When I was in high school, I wasn’t taught much about relationships — certainly not what healthy or unhealthy love looked like. Now, as a high school health educator, I see every day how essential this knowledge is. Relationship skills are a core part of our curriculum, and I’m so grateful they are.
One of the resources I use is DOVE, a local partner that runs engaging workshops for our students using the most up-to-date language and real-world examples. My favorite online resource is JoinOneLove.org, founded by a family who lost their daughter and sister to relationship violence. Their organization offers powerful tools to help teens in unhealthy relationships — and to equip friends and families to support them.
Below are their 10 signs of healthy and unhealthy relationships, which I plan to explore in more detail in a future blog.
Healthy vs. Unhealthy Relationships
(From JoinOneLove.org)
10 Signs of a Healthy Relationship:
Comfortable pace
Trust
Honesty
Independence
Respect
Equality
Kindness
Taking responsibility
Healthy conflict
Fun
10 Signs of an Unhealthy Relationship:
Intensity
Possessiveness
Manipulation
Isolation
Sabotage
Belittling
Guilting
Volatility
Deflecting responsibility
Betrayal
Real Talk
After working with teens for over twenty years, I’ve seen how hard they can fall — and how powerful these new emotions can be. They need adults who listen, who don’t minimize their experiences, and who model what mutual respect and balance look like.
Every relationship — even the ones that end quickly — teaches them something. These early experiences shape how they love, communicate, and trust in the future.
Our role isn’t to shield them from heartbreak, but to walk beside them as they learn how to love safely. We can’t stop our teens from falling in love — but we can teach them how to love in healthy ways. Every new relationship gives them a chance to practice communication, empathy, and self-respect.
Our job is to stay connected, listen more than we lecture, and keep modeling the kind of relationships we hope they’ll build someday.
Your Friend,
Caitlin
