Reminder-We Control the Narrative.
Reminder: We Control the Narrative
As parents of teens and young adults, it can feel like our influence is slipping away. Our kids roll their eyes, retreat to their rooms, and seem to tune us out. But the truth is, we are still writing the script for their internal voice.
Every time we explain how we make sense of a situation, brainstorm solutions to a problem, or handle our own frustrations—we’re teaching them how to do the same. The way we talk about our friends when they’re not around, how we process disappointment, or how we respond to stress—those are all cues our kids are absorbing.
They’re watching. They’re listening. They’re Learning.
Even when their facial expressions, body language,and tone, pretend not to be.
The most powerful influence we have isn’t in the big speeches or the “teachable moments.” It’s in how we shape the narrative around everyday things—especially around defeat, failure, and success. Our words can soften the blow, hold them accountable, or lift them back up. We get to decide how failure feels in our family. We get to decide what success means. That's influence, that's power.
And that influence shows up in the hard moments—the ones that sting.
When your child makes JV instead of Varsity.
When they don’t get the playing time they hoped for.
When the internship falls through, or they get waitlisted at their dream school.
These moments hurt—for them and for us. It’s painful to be on the sidelines watching your teen or young adult struggle, especially when you know that these moments are shaping them into who they’re becoming.
We can’t rush the lesson or explain it away. We can’t fix it with perspective, even though we know from experience that these heartbreaks are temporary—that they’re building resilience, and that adversity leads to grit. We have to let them go through it.
We can’t control situations, but we can control how we respond to them.
If we sulk and complain and marinate in the disappointment with them, they’ll stay there—stuck in that “poor me” mentality. But if we meet them with empathy and compassion—acknowledging that this sucks and this is hard—while also reminding them that this isn’t the end, we help shape how they see it.
That’s how we teach them strength. That’s how we help them grow grit.
And sometimes, if we’re lucky, we get to see—or hear—proof that it’s working.
A friend called me at the end of last school yearand said, “I have to tell you something. I overheard our girls talking, and I swear, it was you in that room. She gave the best advice. I had to tell you, I knew you would be so proud.”
I was beaming, because that’s it—that’s the goal. Not for them to quote us or repeat us, but for them to become that voice of reason, that perspective, that calm in the storm.
When you hear your own voice reflected back in your child’s words or wisdom, don’t say “I told you that.”
Even if you did.
Because in that moment, it’s not your wisdom anymore—it’s theirs. They’ve taken it in, made sense of it, and made it part of who they are. So smile on the inside. Pat yourself on the back silently. You’ve done your job.
They are listening.
You’re still shaping the story—every day, in every word.
And I know this because my inner voice is a healthy balance of my mom and my dad 💚💚💚
Your friend,
Caitlin
