Back to School: Finding our Rhythm Again
I know some of you went back this week, and some of us get to push off our Sunday School Year Scaries until after Labor Day… like me! I’ve been back to coaching volleyball for two weeks, which has been a nice way to ease back into reality. Plus, I have the best girls—they’re a joy to be around, and their energy and passion are contagious.
I meant to post a blog last week about supporting your athletes through tryouts, cuts, finding out what team they made, and how they can handle friends making different teams, etc. BUT I was in my own chaos of tryouts, cuts, and posting, so I couldn’t squeeze it in. I’ll save it for winter sports!
I can’t tell if summer flew by or dragged on. It feels like forever ago that I was in my classroom, and yet, I didn’t do a lot this summer—except drive kids, lol. Later nights, relaxed mornings, and a little more freedom have been so good for our kids (and us, too). But now it’s time to shift gears—and that can be a tough transition for everyone.
The first few weeks back usually come with tired kids, bigger emotions, and routines that don’t quite click right away. Friendships may shift, new classes and teachers bring new challenges, and suddenly our calendars feel packed again. What the word… overwhelming!
We may be overwhelmed, but so are our teens—and they often lack the emotional regulation and skills to handle these big emotions. This is where we come in. The trouble is, we’re also overwhelmed… but we have to hold it together for their sake—and our own.
So, how? Easier said than done! We’ll need to vent to our friends, group chats, and co-workers. We’ll need notes in our phones to keep it all together. BUT when our kids come to us loud, fast, and seemingly OOC (out of control), it’s our job to be the calm—the steadfast lighthouse in the storm, the beacon.
We cannot match their energy, but we can mirror their emotions. We cannot tell them exactly how to do it—or better yet, how they should have done it. But we can listen, nod our heads, furrow our brows so they know we get it, and then ask:
“Can I help take anything off your plate?”
“Do you want me to help you troubleshoot how to attack this?”
They may not want your help at all, but it means a lot that you’re willing. Sometimes they just need to vent, feel seen and heard, and then they can figure it out on their own. Other times, they need to know that you see their effort and overwhelm. And sometimes they do need to hear how you’d handle it. You never know exactly what they need—but if you listen, they’ll tell you.
Remind yourself that your teen needs this from you:
Patience with their moods and energy levels- don’t match their mood, mirror their emotions.
Encouragement without pressure (e.g., “I’m confident you can/will/know…”)
A calm home base where they can recharge.
Pay attention to these things so you don’t add to the overwhelm:
Overloading the schedule too quickly with extra commitments.
Constantly asking about homework or grades in the first few weeks.
Comparing them to siblings, friends, or how things “used to be”
Our teens are going to struggle—and that’s normal. But no one should struggle alone. Knowing we’re there to support them makes a huge difference in how they manage all their commitments and the stress that comes with them.
Instead of only asking about homework or games, try questions like:
“How are you feeling about your new teachers?”
“What classes are you excited about? What classes are you concerned about?”
“Do you feel prepared to juggle it all? Is there any way I can support you?”
“How did you feel the week went? Is there anything you’d switch for next week to feel more successful?”
And finally—sleep. We need to help them prioritize it. The hard part is, after going all day, they finally have time for themselves, and of course they want to game or snap their friends. And they should! But they also need a curfew, and sometimes we have to be the “bad guy.” It’s worth the fight, because juggling it all without sleep is impossible—and meltdowns are inevitable.
Back to school isn’t just about new clothes and gel pens—it’s about shifting energy and mindset. If we can give our kids (and ourselves) patience and grace in this transition, we set the tone for a steady, strong year ahead.
Godspeed!!
Your friend,
Caitlin
