Why are we so embarrassing??

Why Are We the Way We Are???

More Specifically… Why Are We So Embarrassing to Our Teens?

True story: when I was a junior in high school, my volleyball game had just ended. As people were filing out of the stands and onto the court, all of a sudden there was a collective gasp across the gym. I looked up—and there was my mom, tucking and rolling down the bleachers.

She had lost her footing and, facing what looked like a thirty-foot drop, instinctively somersaulted her way to safety. I should have been impressed. I should have run to her. I should have cried tears of relief that she was okay. But nope—none of that happened. Instead, I froze in shock and rage embarrassment. “What is wrong with her?!” I thought as I covered my face, mortified.

Meanwhile, people rushed to help her, and I dragged my feet across the gym, wishing I could disappear. My mom popped up, laughing hysterically, a little shaken but fine. Me? I was not fine. I was furious.

I still think about that moment—and I’m ashamed of my reaction. How could my mother falling down the bleachers somehow be about me? Oh, that’s right… because I was sixteen.

Why Teens Feel This Way

Teen brains are incredible. The amount of multitasking they do—physically, socially, and emotionally—goes mostly unseen and unappreciated. Their amygdala (the “headquarters” if you’re picturing Inside Out) is kicking into overdrive. They’re experiencing new emotions daily, but with little to no skills to manage them.

That’s because emotions require practice. The more we feel something, the more we understand it: why it happens, what triggers it, and how to deal with it—sometimes successfully, sometimes not. But just when teens think they’ve got one feeling under control, a brand-new one shows up to throw them off.

Pile all that on top of new social pressures and constant change, and then—well—there’s us. Just by existing, we embarrass them.

Why Embarrassment is Actually a Good Thing

Here’s the twist: embarrassment is a sign you’re doing something right. It means you’re visible, engaged, and part of their world. The opposite—when teens don’t care what you do—often means distance, not closeness.

When your teen says, “You’re so embarrassing,” what they’re really saying is: You still matter.

Here’s why:

1. Embarrassment = Visibility
   Your teen notices you—your words, your tone, your clothes, your cheering. If you were irrelevant, you wouldn’t even register. That eye-roll is proof you’re on their radar.

2. Embarrassment = Emotional Investment
   If they’re cringing, it’s because your actions affect how they feel around their peers. That means your presence is tied to their self-image—which shows how deeply you’re woven into their sense of self.

3. Embarrassment = Proximity
   Parents who embarrass their kids are usually the ones who show up: at games, in the school pickup line, chatting with their friends, asking questions at dinner. Embarrassment fades when distance grows.

4. Embarrassment = A Backhanded Compliment
   Teens don’t always have the words to say, “You’re important to me and I care what you think.” Instead, it comes out as: “Ugh, Mooooom, you’re so embarrassing.” Different words, same meaning.

The Embarrassment Timeline

A good rule of thumb: you know you’re in the embarrassing years when your teen starts turning the radio down as you pull up to drop them off somewhere. You’ll know you’re on your way out when, years later, they start turning it up again as you approach.

So, keep showing up, and keep being you!!

Your friend,

Caitlin