When Parents Become the Predator: WTF Did I Just Watch?
When Parents Become the Predator: Processing Unknown Number: High School Catfish
I just finished watching the new Netflix documentary Unknown Number: High School Catfish and I can’t stop thinking about it. As a parent and as a teacher, I felt so many emotions—disbelief, anger, sadness, even confusion. The story is shocking on its own, but what unsettled me most was that at the center of it all was a mother. A mother creating fake accounts. A mother manipulating, harassing, and traumatizing teenagers—including her own daughter.
Why? Why would a parent behave this way?
I’ve been sitting with that question, trying to make sense of the senseless. Maybe she was driven by control, or loneliness, or some unresolved pain in her own life. Maybe she was grasping for connection in all the wrong ways. But here’s the truth: no “reason” could ever excuse what she did. When you’re a parent, your role is to be the protector, not the predator.
What struck me most was the level of betrayal. Our teens are already navigating a world full of pressures, risks, and shifting identities. They need to know—without question—that home is safe. That their parents are safe. When that trust is broken, especially in such a calculated way, the damage runs deep.
And it makes me think about the weight of our role as parents. Do we always get it right? Of course not. We embarrass our teens, we nag them, we sometimes miss the mark. But there’s a line we never cross—and that line is where love, respect, and trust live. Our kids should never question whether we’re for them.
I bet we all walked away from this documentary feeling like amazing parents. Like, “Hey kids, see? I’m not so bad!” But the deeper truth this story shines a light on is the toxicity of parents who create unhealthy codependency—all while claiming they’re just “protecting” their child.
The Ultimate Betrayal
I understand there’s mental health at play here, but there is no excuse—ever—for a mother to do what this mom did. This wasn’t one bad decision. It was a relentless, calculated campaign to chip away at her daughter’s self-esteem, her friendships, her sense of reality. She left her daughter questioning everything and everyone and isolating into what she thought was safety—right back into her mother’s arms. And that’s the ultimate betrayal. Her mother wasn’t the protector; she was the predator.
She preyed on her daughter’s vulnerabilities. She tore her away from her boyfriend. She dismantled his family’s relationships with friends, even with their own niece—all while pretending to be part of the search for this so-called predator. The level of deception is staggering.
Watching the daughter process all of this is heartbreaking. It’s clear this will be a lifelong journey—of healing, of setting boundaries, of learning to trust again. Because if you cannot trust your own mother… who can you trust? That question will follow her into every future relationship.
When Parents Unintentionally Break Trust
As parents, this should stop us in our tracks. Trust is the foundation of our connection with our kids. Without it, everything else crumbles. Sometimes, even with the best intentions, we betray our kids in ways that feel small to us—but are huge to them:
Minimizing their feelings: “It’s not a big deal” when it feels huge to them.
Breaking confidences: Sharing something they told us in private.
Using their mistakes against them: Bringing up old slip-ups when we’re frustrated.
Not following through: Promising to be there and not showing up.
Over-controlling: Micromanaging instead of guiding.
How We Build (or Rebuild) Trust
The good news? Trust can be built. And it can even be rebuilt. It takes honesty, consistency, and humility—owning our mistakes when we fall short. It’s built in small, consistent moments.
Listen first, talk later: Sometimes our kids don’t need advice, just to be heard.
Be honest, even when it’s hard: Teens can smell dishonesty a mile away.
Follow through on the small things: Consistency builds safety.
Admit when you’re wrong: “I messed up and I’m sorry” is powerful modeling.
Respect their privacy: Monitor for safety, not for sport.
Give them space to grow: Show them you trust them by handing over responsibility.
Trust is the foundation of connection. Without it, everything else crumbles
Talking About Suicide
One of the darkest parts of this story was the suicidal messages the mother sent her own daughter. That shook me, abuse in its purest form. It’s a reminder that we cannot avoid hard conversations about suicide. Our kids see messages about self harm and suicide regularly, and that is a lot to process on their own. We need to talk to our kids directly, openly, and without judgment. Asking them if they’ve ever had those thoughts doesn’t plant the idea—it gives them permission to share what’s already there. It gives them the safe place we all want them to have.
Talking about suicide opens the door for honest conversation and helps them process the world they are living in. It gives them power and control over scary subjects. I know it can be hard, or you may feel underprepared, so here are some conversation starters to hold on to for when a natural moment opens the door to a hard conversation.
Prompts to Start the Conversation
“Have you ever had thoughts about not wanting to be here anymore?”
“When you’re feeling overwhelmed, who do you feel comfortable talking to?”
“If you ever felt like life was too heavy, I’d want you to come to me—no matter what.”
“When you hear about suicide at school or online, what goes through your mind?”
“What helps you feel better on your hardest days?”
This would also be a good time to mention that being a good friend sometimes means asking an adult for help. Friends can put a lot of feelings on each other and it’s important to know when it’s time to get an adult involved. The quote I use in my classroom is, “it’s better to lose a friendship than a friend.” I didn’t make it up, but it sticks in their head and they understand it. I tell my students that they can apply it to any topic, not just suicide. If you are worried about a friend's behaviors: drug use, isolation, toxic partner, gambling- anything! You can and should involve an adult. Your friend will be mad at you, they may say mean things, they may stop talking to you or feel betrayed, however “it’s better to lose a friendship than a friend…” The option of saying or doing nothing has devastating consequences.
Keep your tone calm, open, and nonjudgmental. If they share something concerning, listen more than you speak—and reach out for professional help.
Wake up Call
As I process this story, I can’t help but come back to a simple truth: our teens deserve better. They deserve parents who show up with honesty, compassion, and boundaries. They deserve to be prepared for the cruelty of the world, but not blindsided by it at their own kitchen table.
In the end, this documentary is a wake-up call. Not being a bad parent doesn't make us good parents. Comparing ourselves to toxic parent child relationships isn’t a good barometer for how we are doing. This documentary highlights how important our relationship is with our teens, and how much they really do still need us and want us as a guide and as a constant in their lives.
Our kids are navigating the world and they need parents who are safe spaces, not “strangers” behind fake numbers.
So I’ll leave you with this question: What does it look like for you, in your family, to be a safe place? Because that’s what our teens need most. A safe place to land. A safe place to grow. A safe place they trust will always be there for them.
Your friend,
Caitlin
